Newsletter 2: April 2026
Running on Empty – Why Dementia Caring Is So Emotionally Exhausting
Caring for someone with dementia is often described as tiring. But for many carers, the word tired doesn’t quite capture it. What you may feel is something deeper, an exhaustion that doesn’t fully go away, even after rest.
This kind of fatigue is not just physical. It is emotional, mental, and often invisible to others.
Part of this exhaustion comes from always being “on.” Even in quieter moments, there is a constant awareness in the background: listening out, watching, anticipating what might happen next. You may find it hard to fully relax, because a part of you remains alert. Over time, this continuous state of readiness can quietly drain your energy.
There is also the weight of decision-making. Dementia care involves countless small choices throughout the day. Do I correct them or go along with it? Is this safe? Should I step in or give them space? Each decision may seem minor on its own, but together they create a steady mental load that rarely lifts.
Alongside this sits something many carers struggle to talk about: emotional contradiction. You may feel love and frustration at the same time. Compassion, but also moments of resentment. Patience, followed by flashes of anger. Holding these opposing feelings within yourself can be exhausting. It can also lead to guilt, as if you should feel only one way, but the reality is far more complex.
Another quiet source of strain is the gradual loss of reciprocity in the relationship. Conversations may become one-sided. Emotional support may no longer be returned in the way it once was. You may find yourself giving more and more, with less coming back. This can feel deeply lonely, even when you are not physically alone.
And so, even when you sit down, your mind may continue. Thinking ahead. Replaying moments. Preparing for what might come next. Your body pauses, but your thoughts do not fully switch off.
If any of this feels familiar, it may help to recognise that this exhaustion has a reason. It is not a personal failing. It is a natural response to carrying so much, for so long.
Reflective pause
When was the last time you felt truly “off duty,” even for a few minutes?
A small coping idea
Rather than waiting for a long break, try allowing yourself a short pause in the day, just two or three minutes. Sit down, take a few slower breaths, and remind yourself that, in this moment, nothing else is required of you. These small pauses will not remove the demands, but they can gently interrupt the constant sense of pressure.
Thought of the week
Exhaustion is not a sign that you are failing. It is a sign of how much you are carrying.
Moments of Joy at a Local Memory Café
Caring for someone living with dementia can be deeply rewarding, but it can also be exhausting, isolating, and full of small daily challenges. Memory cafés across the UK provide a gentle, supportive space where people living with dementia and their carers can come together, share experiences, and enjoy moments of connection.
The story below is an example of the kind of experiences that often happen at these cafés, small moments of joy, laughter, and engagement that can make a meaningful difference in the day for both carers and their loved ones.
Across memory cafés, volunteers and carers often notice that small activities, music, conversation, or a shared memory, can brighten the day for everyone involved. Here’s an example story that illustrates this.
“Where Memories Spark: A Story from a Memory Café”
At a memory café in West Yorkshire, volunteers and families come together to create a space where people living with dementia can feel safe, engaged, and joyful.
One young volunteer, inspired by personal experience with a family member living with dementia, decided to dedicate their time to help others. During sessions, activities such as music, singing, and gentle conversation spark smiles and sometimes even laughter. Attendees may not always remember every detail, but the positive feelings and moments of connection linger—both for them and for the carers supporting them.
Carers, in particular, often find relief in these sessions. They can share experiences with others, enjoy brief moments of respite, and witness their loved ones rekindle parts of themselves, whether through a song, a shared memory, or a moment of pride.
Reflective Pause
The “success” of a memory café isn’t measured in long-term memory improvement, it’s found in the small, human moments. Those shared smiles, sparks of recognition, or even a quiet laugh can be incredibly meaningful for both the person with dementia and the carer.
A Thought for Carers
If you’re supporting someone living with dementia:
- Try visiting a local memory café. Even a short visit can bring joy.
- Let volunteers take the lead in activities, allow yourself a brief respite.
- Notice the small moments of connection, they matter more than you might think.
These simple experiences remind us that dementia doesn’t erase joy, and that carers deserve moments of lightness and connection too.
If you run a memory café, or volunteer at one, and have a story or moment you’d like to share, we’d love to hear from you. Your experiences could inspire and support other carers. Please email us jurgen@dementia-counselling.co.uk .
Picks of the month
Hospital delirium linked to later dementia risk in healthy adults
Delirium in hospital is often seen as a temporary episode, something that passes once the immediate illness resolves. But new research suggests it may signal something far more significant. Even in otherwise healthy older adults, experiencing delirium is linked to a substantially higher risk of developing dementia later on.
This article is worth reading because it challenges assumptions and highlights delirium as a potential early warning sign, one that clinicians, carers, and families should take seriously.
https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/1121362
Dementia care hubs say funding could be pulled
For many families living with dementia, day centres are far more than a service, they are a lifeline. They offer structure, social connection, and a safe space for those affected, while giving carers the essential time and space to rest. Now, two such centres in Leicestershire face an uncertain future as funding decisions loom.
This piece matters because it highlights what is at stake when local dementia services are cut. Beyond budgets and restructuring, it brings into focus the real impact on people’s daily lives, raising important questions about how we value and protect support for those living with dementia and those who care for them.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cwy66vpyppwo
Families feeling unsupported, warns new Dementia UK report
As dementia progresses, families are often navigating one of the most challenging periods of life, yet many are doing so without clear guidance or adequate support. A new report reveals that nearly half of families were not told what to expect as their loved one approached the end of life, and a large majority of carers felt insufficiently supported.
This is a timely reminder because it shines a light on a deeply under-recognised gap in care. It raises urgent questions about how we prepare, inform, and support families at the end of life, and why better, more coordinated palliative care for people living with dementia cannot be left as an afterthought.
https://caring-times.co.uk/families-feeling-unsupported-warns-new-dementia-uk-report
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